I never know what to say anymore, because I'm fairly convinced that adding to ambient despair isn't helpful but I also don't have much in the way of hopeful or constructive ideas. I want to be angry sometimes but I'm really so scared of reprisal or retribution or just once again contributing to THINGS ARE BAD. I've had experiences in the past of people obsessing so much about my facebook posts that it creates problems for me, so I'm guarded more around what is worth writing and posting here (which is there, which is Facebook).

If I write hopeful things it is corny, if I write angry things I'm burning bridges and feeling bad, if I write sad things I'm pathetic and putting it onto others, and if I write fearful things I'm fear mongering/doom posting/etc. It's a real bind I find myself in.

I wonder sometimes if I have any way of becoming a more prolific or more read "author." I know there's no one who can say "you're not a writer" or "you're totally A WRITER" and have the final say but I think part of my problem is I don't even know what it is I want to write, or at least what genre it is. I think it must be non-fiction, because I'm not much for writing pure fiction or the like (though it'd be nice to be better at that), but I kind of wish I could combine magical realism with non-fiction in a way that makes anything actually palatable for people to read or find or want to read. Unhinged ramblings about the world might be satisfying to write, but aren't likely of interest to people. That's all not to mention that I'm hardly able to reach an *interesting* level of unhinged and instead probably just want to spout lazily crafted incoherence. I write POSTS because POSTS are what people read but I want POSTS to be POEMS or POLEMICS (maybe).